Sharks!

And now, I give you sharks.

Land Shark

Twitter Pun Storm: Swine Flu Edition

Yesterday on the popular social networking website Twitter.com, I saw a tweet by @doughamlin that went like this:

@doughamlin *Cough* *Cough* *Honk* *Honk* #swanflu

This inspired me to make all sorts of swine flu puns:

@punsultant @doughamlin *cough* *cough* *swirl* *smell* *sip* #wineflu

@punsultant @doniree @doughamlin or, you know, *cough* *cough* *pickles!* #brineflue

@punsultant *oink* *oink* *smoke* *smoke* #swineflue

@punsultant George Bush was a great president! #swineflew

@punsultant *cough* *cough* *forest* #pineflu

@punsultant @doniree my back is coughing! #spineflu

@punsultant I stepped on this device and all of the sudden I started coughing #mineflu

@punsultant I think my fork is sick. #tineflu

@punsultant as I've been waiting here at the bank I've developed a cough and a fever. #lineflue

@punsultant OR my cough and fever only exist between two points #lineflu

@punsultant I am sick as an objectivist. #aynflu

@punsultant @MHMorgan if I do work I might get #tryin'flu.

@punsultant your lady doctor is sick #gyn'flu

@punsultant I am sick, but only when I'm lying on my back #supineflu

Which, in turn, inspired many others to make swine flu puns of their own:

@maxsparber Argh, I be struggling to catch me breath in the salty deep! #brineflu

@maxsparber @punsultant Funny, I had the same experience waiting to get pork in England #swinequeue

@eigenman @punsultant @zwjohnson I feel awful with this illness... I think I'm going to go lie on my back #supineflu

@eigenman @punsultant fuck I must have missed it while I was sacking Halicarnassus #rapineflu

@eigenman @julielyda @punsultant @zwjohnson but I do so enjoy upsetting you Julie! #malignflu command it in #()flu form and I'll stop :D

@eigenman @punsultant @zwjohnson MUCH better #anodineflu

@briannepitt @doniree @punsultant *sniffle* I can't even afford medication... #declinedflu

@doniree @punsultant @briannepitt *cough* *cough* *moooooooo* #bovineflu

@briannepitt @doniree @punsultant "Bueller... Bueller..." #Steinflu3

@doniree @punsultant @briannepitt *cough* *cough* *meow* *purr* #felineflu

@briannepitt @punsultant *cough* *grumble* *gripe* *sneeze* *exaggerated sigh* #whineflu

@doniree @punsultant I'm a poet and didn't know it #rhymeflu

@zwjohnson @punsultant it's not your fork, it's your food! #dineflu

@chessie @punsultant i got sick because i returned my library books late #fineflu ?

@zwjohnson @eigenman @punsultant I actually feel pretty good #fineflu

@doniree @punsultant *cough* *cough* *river* *europe* #rhineflu

@eigenman @punsultant oh JESUS my hypothalamus just threw up #endocrineflu

I'm sure some swine flu puns have slipped through the cracks. Although, I'm sure you're already pretty full up on your swine flu pun quota for today.

My Taste in DVDs Part 2

A few days ago, I noted that my DVD collection tends to favor a specific genre. In that post I included a photo of my movies that were not either comedy or science fiction. It's a stack of about 20 DVDs. So, in that context, here are my science fiction DVDs:


That's over three feet of DVDs. And yes, you notice correctly: the complete Twilight Zone (five seasons) and the complete Star Trek: The Next Generation (seven seasons) are making the stack pretty tall. They are also making the stack quite awesome.

But that's not even the best part. I went ahead and stacked all my comedy DVDs. The stack is so tall that I could not stack them without help from Lovely Assistant Emily:


I took these photos a few days ago when I was pretty drunk. That means most of these stacks were toppled in a depressing/hilarious drunken way.

File this one under "stacks provide unique insights."

Internet Sampler

I have had the good fortune to come across some hilarious internets recently. Here are some of the very best ones, in linkdump form:

First up, this had me in tears. For real. Salty water was streaming down my face:



(via)

Next, from marriedtothesea.com:

This as well, from XKCD:

And finally, via some chickface:

Pun!

In the interest of preserving my Legendary Wit on the uneraseable internet, I give you a joke:

What does the pope eat on his pancakes?

Hmm?

Papal syrup!

*Wink*

I was at a bar with some friends from high school last night, both of them ladies. I took it upon myself to wink at them lecherously at every opportunity, which they (for some reason) did not appreciate. They said it was creepier than normal winking in a way that could not be articulated. "Here," said Kate (one of my friends), "I'll take a picture of you winking with my SUPER FANCY CAMERA and you'll see."



Aww, look at that. Adorable! I don't look creepy or lecherous at all; I simply look like I'm cluing you in on a joke or some light-hearted scheme. Kate and Amy agreed. This does not capture the creepy, pervy-old-man quality of my wink. "Try licking your lips suggestively," Kate commanded.



No, not this either. This just looks like maybe someone punched me in the eye and I have a bit of barbecue sauce in my moustache. No lecherism here.

We were stumped. How could we capture the terror created in the panties of my friends when I wink? "I know!" I proclaimed and produced this, which allowed us to record this:

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2849722202630762692]

THERE it is! We watched this video many times and determined there are three factors that make this a CREEPY, LECHEROUS WINK:

1. I am winking


2. I nod my head slightly and when my head is fully down, that is when I wink. The wink is a lecherous punctuation to a creepy nod.


3. After I wink and nod, there is a vague, sheepish smile.

And thus, further evidence that Art is a pervy old man.

Tell Me: Is This Funny?

Ok, if you know me you know that somtimes I am the only person who thinks something is funny. It happens a lot, in fact. So I want a reality check.

I made this lol celeb on ROFLrazzi last summer with their lol builder and it never went up. I happen to think it's damn good:



Instead, they've put up things like this, this, this, this, this, and this. None of which is funnier (or even as funny) as the lol celeb I made.

I'm not fishing for compliments. I know I think this is funny. But am I out of touch? Or is this truly not funny?

Look At How Much They've Grown!

My mind has been blown today.

In late 2004, I was at a party. Someone said, "Come over here, Art. I want to show you this internet video." The video was called "Just 2 Guyz" and it went something like this (mildly NSFW):



I lost my shit watching it. We must have played it five times in a row at that party, and at subesquent parties and other social gatherings for months and years.

This video was produced by an internet comedy trio called The Lonely Island. I checked out some of their other stuff in 2005 and thought "Yes, this is pretty good. I hope they get picked up somewhere."

Well, as I discovered from their YouTube page, you may have seen some of their other work:

Dick in a Box

Jizz in my Pants

Laser Cats!

That's right! The Lonely Island was taken onto Saturday Night Live to create their Digital Shorts segments. And Andy Samberg (one of the three dudes, and "Steve" in the Just 2 Guyz video) was even brought onto the full SNL cast. This is yet another example of the blurring line between Main Stream Media and New Media. Score one for talent being justly rewarded.

An Unusual Drink Option

When you order many small samples of beers or scotches or wines with the intention of sampling a wide variety, that is called a "flight." Scotch flight, beer flight, etc. Usually there will be a theme, like a Highlands flight for scotch, or an import flight for beer.

Well, evidently at Jake's Sports Cafe in Plymouth, you can have all the white people move out of your neighborhood: