Minnesota Comic Chad Daniels on the Tonight Show

On Tuesday night a man from Fergus Falls, MN was on Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show as the comedy guest. I always love when comedians are featured instead of bands.

This dude, Chad Daniels, was funny in a very generic way. He told jokes about his family in a cadence reminiscent of Jimmy Carr (who was also on Conan this summer, apparently), which worked. And while I laughed, this man has done nothing especially notable. He told jokes about how his children annoy him, how he wants to abandon them, and how they are idiots. Honestly, I liked it way better when Louis C.K. did it, like, ten years ago.

But, even so, it's definitely worth devoting five minutes to enjoying, if only for the fact that he is from Minnesota and he was on teevee:

In Defense of Jimmy Fallon

I would like to take a moment to pose a complaint about Jimmy Fallon on his television program, and then totally refute myself.

Have you seen Late Night with Jimmy Fallon? He sucks at interviewing! He doesn't even let his guests talk. He just jokes around.

YES BUT

Have you ever seen a guest on a late night talk show? They are all vapid actors (save for Brian Williams, Al Roker, Will Ferrel, and Harrison Ford). They suck! Who wants to hear about the cute thing their baby did? Nobody, that's who.

So when Jimmy Fallon takes over the interview--even if he is only mostly funny--and gets the three mentions of the movie or TV show in, I say good work. That is moving things forward in the late night talk show realm.

Emily Watches Star Trek

For three months this past summer, Emily was unemployed; this gave her ample time to watch DVDs while applying for jobs. After a single cajole by your humble author, Emily was convinced to sit down with the entire seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation and watch them from Encounter at Farpoint to All Good Things... Since this is the 21st century, she was on gchat, keeping me up to date on all the latest.

Following are some of my favorite exerpts from Emily's first viewing of any Star Trek television series.


Emily: MAN IN SKIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Later]

Emily: MORE MEN IN SKIRTS
they're in some sort of dress uniform and all wearing skirts
me: well those are not skirts though
because they are wearing pants
those are just long jackets
Emily: well when hipster girls wear leggings they are still wearing skirts

---

Emily: the Picard doppelganger almost had sex with Dr. Crusher
Me: wait, there's a Picard doppelganger?
Emily: yeah he got kidnapped
with three other people
and a doppelganger was running the ship
Me: oh yeah
Emily: and now he apparently needs a vacation

---

Emily: Picard has spent most of the current episode in a metallic Speedo
me: haha
Emily: he also just punched a Ferengi, which I enjoy
me: I believe he will get it on in this episode
Emily: it's looking that way

[Later]

Emily: picard DID IT

---

Emily: this episode is WEIRD
me: which one is that?
Tin Man?
Emily: no, the one after that
there's this awkward engineering guy
who keeps going into the holideck to have sexual fantasies about Troi
me: oh, Barclay

---

Emily: Picard just said "my love is a beaver"
me: haha
oh, is he reciting things to mom troi?
Emily: wait FEVER
his love is a fever
me: haha
Emily: but yes, he was awkwardly trying to pretend to woo her, and then started spouting Shakespeare
me: that scene is classic

---

Emily: well Data is reading poetry
me: ohh
the poem about Spot
Emily: Ode to Spot
he says Spot isn't sentient
I think Bernard is sentient

Our Hurtful Beer Can Holders

There's a Budweiser commercial that talks about a combination foam number one finger and beer holder. They call it a "foozie," a combination of foam and coozie.

But here's the thing. "Coozie" is a variant pronunciation of the word "cooze," which we all know is:

–noun Slang: Vulgar. vagina.

But that's not all. I asked my mom's boyfriend what he calls a foam beer holder. "Oh, well I call it a 'coolie'."

–noun Offensive. an unskilled laborer, esp. formerly in China and India.'

The word is cozy. Ok? It's a beer cozy. Like a tea cozy, but for beer.

Sharks!

And now, I give you sharks.

Land Shark

How Should I Spend My Stimulus?

When I filed my taxes (actually, when I had my mom do it, because I'm a child), I discovered (my mother informed me) I am receiving $300 in stimulus money for some reason. I am a patriotic American, so I intend to use this money to its exact purpose: to stimulate the economy. Which means I'm going to buy some stuff.

But I'm no fool. I think before I spend. I present to you three options I am considering for my $300.

The Nerd Collection

Register www.punsultancy.com $10

Fill out my Led Zeppelin collection (all their albums except Houses of the Holy) $75

Battlestar Galactica seasons 1, 2, and 2.5 (I own three and four already, which give it a slightly more nerdy edge) $70 (on Amazon)

LOST seasons two, three, and four $125 (on Amazon)

Dark Knight $20

OR

The Comedy Collection

All My Stuff (George Carlin DVD box set of TV specials) or Seinfeld -- the complete series $180

Let's Get Small and A Wild and Crazy Guy (Steve Martin comedy albums) $15

Venture Brothers Season 3 (but only after March 24) $20

Andy Richter Controls the Universe -- the complete series (but only after March 24) $30

Saturday Night Live season one -- $50

OR

The Responsible Adult Collection

Membership to the Minnesota Interactive Marketing Association $195

Microsponsorship of MinnPost $25

New business cards $20

Socks and underwear $40

Backorder www.artallen.com on Godaddy $20

And there you go. $300 smartly spent.


So what do you think? Which would you spend your $300 on?

Internet Sampler

I have had the good fortune to come across some hilarious internets recently. Here are some of the very best ones, in linkdump form:

First up, this had me in tears. For real. Salty water was streaming down my face:



(via)

Next, from marriedtothesea.com:

This as well, from XKCD:

And finally, via some chickface:

What I Saw On TV Today

I was watching MSNBC and they were doing a teaser for a story coming after the commercial break, going on and on about the dress Michelle Obama was wearing for the inaugural ball. They were all, "Oh, is she the new fashion leader? Move over Paris and Milan!" For about two whole minutes! They also managed to suggest that the Obama children were also fashion leaders (?). Then, without any segue or other transition, they went to commercial by saying "This is MSNBC, the place for politics."

America's First Black Family

You know, this day isn't really that special or historical. Sure, we elected a black president and now he's all official, but whatever. I mean, you heard what Karl Rove said on Election Night, right? That this isn't that significant because we already had a First Black Family, like, twenty years ago:



Yeah, I guess somehow I see today as a little different from a television show.

Look At How Much They've Grown!

My mind has been blown today.

In late 2004, I was at a party. Someone said, "Come over here, Art. I want to show you this internet video." The video was called "Just 2 Guyz" and it went something like this (mildly NSFW):



I lost my shit watching it. We must have played it five times in a row at that party, and at subesquent parties and other social gatherings for months and years.

This video was produced by an internet comedy trio called The Lonely Island. I checked out some of their other stuff in 2005 and thought "Yes, this is pretty good. I hope they get picked up somewhere."

Well, as I discovered from their YouTube page, you may have seen some of their other work:

Dick in a Box

Jizz in my Pants

Laser Cats!

That's right! The Lonely Island was taken onto Saturday Night Live to create their Digital Shorts segments. And Andy Samberg (one of the three dudes, and "Steve" in the Just 2 Guyz video) was even brought onto the full SNL cast. This is yet another example of the blurring line between Main Stream Media and New Media. Score one for talent being justly rewarded.

Guess Who's Coming to Twitter

Last night I got an unexpected email in my inbox:

Hi, artallen.

thecosbyshow (thecosbyshow) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out thecosbyshow's profile here:

http://twitter.com/thecosbyshow

This is really neat! What the Tiwtter feed gives you is little updates on what the actors are doing. For example:

thecosbyshow Phylicia Rashad (Clair) Nominated for Best Actress SAG Award for playing Lena Younger in "A Raisin in the Sun" - http://tinyurl.com/9tclts

This might seem kind of pointless and stupid, but I actually really like it. I actually wish some other shows would do this. Like, if Star Trek TNG or M*A*S*H had feeds like this I'd follow them.


Oh, and then there's the question of how the Cosby Show knew to follow me on Twitter. A quick search.twitter.com excursion finds one two three tweets that contain the word "Cosby."


Also, if you've spoken to me in the past month and a half you know that it's all I can do to wait until Christmas Day to get some Christmas Monies so I can go to Best Buy and buy each of the eight seasons of the Cosby Show for $20 each. Heckuva deal! But getting this email connected for me (for some reason) that I could buy this show on Amazon, and it'd probably be even cheaper. And it is! The Cosby Show: 25th Anniversary Commemorative Edition (1984) $89.99


I cannot wait.