Wednesday, January 7, 2009

*Wink*

I was at a bar with some friends from high school last night, both of them ladies. I took it upon myself to wink at them lecherously at every opportunity, which they (for some reason) did not appreciate. They said it was creepier than normal winking in a way that could not be articulated. "Here," said Kate (one of my friends), "I'll take a picture of you winking with my SUPER FANCY CAMERA and you'll see."

artwink

Aww, look at that. Adorable! I don't look creepy or lecherous at all; I simply look like I'm cluing you in on a joke or some light-hearted scheme. Kate and Amy agreed. This does not capture the creepy, pervy-old-man quality of my wink. "Try licking your lips suggestively," Kate commanded.

artwinktounge

No, not this either. This just looks like maybe someone punched me in the eye and I have a bit of barbecue sauce in my moustache. No lecherism here.

We were stumped. How could we capture the terror created in the panties of my friends when I wink? "I know!" I proclaimed and produced this, which allowed us to record this:

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2849722202630762692]

THERE it is! We watched this video many times and determined there are three factors that make this a CREEPY, LECHEROUS WINK:

  1. I am winking

  2. I nod my head slightly and when my head is fully down, that is when I wink. The wink is a lecherous punctuation to a creepy nod.

  3. After I wink and nod, there is a vague, sheepish smile.


And thus, further evidence that Art is a pervy old man.
Posted by Art at 4:05 PM
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6 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2009 at 6:14 PM

    Now, I really don't want to sound mean or you know, ... however I sound when I am about to point of a possible sensitive issue. BUT, after reading and reviewing the photo and film evidence, I have come to the conclusion that most of the creepy and pervy-ness that you exude comes from your receding hairline. And, your large eyebrows. of course, they are nowhere near Peter Gallagher eyebrows, but a formidable pair, nonetheless.

    On a side note, that was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. It was good to be around my own kind. Don't let that get out, I have a reputation to protect. haha.

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  2. AnonymousJanuary 8, 2009 at 2:23 AM

    I was thoroughly amused by all of that. It took me watching the video twice to fully capture what is in fact a very creepy look.

    Way to creep me out Art :-)

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  3. AnonymousJanuary 8, 2009 at 4:43 AM

    A lot of wink creepiness comes from the context of the wink and who it's directed toward, so I'm sure that was also impossible to catch on camera.

    Also, I really enjoyed the comment referred to your eyebrows as a "formidable pair."

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  4. AnonymousJanuary 8, 2009 at 12:10 PM

    Kate:

    That is interesting. I don't know that my eyebrows are necessarily thicker than most, but they are certainly much darker. I will have to ruminate on your points and I think I will write another blog post about it. I already have two stubs of draft posts about both my hair and my beard that I think I could wrap into one hair-related post.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 3:56 AM

    that wink has a rather popeye-esque quality about it to me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2009 at 4:29 PM

    [...] I have a great creepy wink [...]

    ReplyDelete

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