World Beard Championships

I think everyone ponders at one point or another what sort of awards they could win, simply for their natural proclivities. We're all naturally good at some things, and with a little effort maybe we could be recognized for these talents.

For me, today, my natural proclivity was my beard. I am growing it out for a wedding in November, per the groom's request (it is known as a Sympathy Beard). I have been letting it grow without trim since early September with great success. Emily has pointed out that it's on the verge of being pony tail material. It's thick and luxurious. I figured I should investigate whether or not there is any sort of beard competition. I might place!

No, I won't.

There is a beard competition. It's called the World Beard and Moustache Championships, and there are some manly beards battling for the title.

Look at this man. This is a man.


This is Jack Passion, the World Beard Champion ("first place in the full beard natural category, the most competitive category of all", according to World Beard Championships). Compared to this man, my beard is bush league. This man is a real man, and a real beardsman.

I will say that length should not be all that counts in a beard. I submit the following criteria for beard judging. Please submit your own.

1. Thickness
2. Fullness
3. Softness (softer = better)
4. Style (a manicured beard is no beard at all)
5. Shapeliness
   
6. Luxury
7. Manliness
8. How many bits of churro can you fit in there
   

Look What I Can Do

People in my family have had a talent I have always thought was pretty routine: we can hang spoons from our noses. A spoon was brought to a bar I was drinking at about a week ago, so I put it on my nose. Some of my friends were able to do this too (I was actually not even the first one to dangle the spoon from my nose that evening). Other of my friends thought it was weird. It's not weird:



And just in case you think this is some sort of optical illusion, check it:



There is no chin-resting. That is all spoon-on-nose friction holding that sucker on. And just in case you think this is something that requires me to sit perfectly still, no, it is not that either. I can walk around, turn my head from side to side, and even sing God Bless America at the Uptown VFW:



I look forward to hanging a spoon from my nose in many new and exciting locales. I will even teach you how to do this yourself... if you have the nose for it!