I called her last week and asked her what she wanted. "I told you!" she replied, reminding me of an email she had sent me saying she wanted seasons 1-3 of the popular 1990s television program Friends. "No," I said, "That is a boring gift. What else do you want?" She said she wanted a specific pair of shoes from Macy's and that she would email me the exact details.
She did not email me these details, so this morning I called her and asked her for the details so I could write them down. This is what I heard:
First of all, yes, I did put the stars in for the name "MACY'S." I wasn't sure if they used an apostrophe or not, so I put in a star and an apostrophe, and stars around the apostrophe just to be safe. Corporate identity is important, you guys. (After looking it up just now, it seems I've erred hilariously: there is only one star, and it takes the place of the apostrophe. Heh.)
Secondly, evidently if you're a woman you've probably already noticed something wrong: there is no such brand as "DCBG." The correct brand is BCBG, which I had never heard of before. In my dyslexia, I thought DCBG was some sort of Dolce and Gabbana (which I had misspelled just now and had to look up in Google) abbreviated-chic sub-brand. It is not.
And let me just say, I've spent years honing a very fine understanding of booties. I have many opinions and much knowledge on the subject of booties. Sadly, none of this came in handy this afternoon.
Nonetheless, armed with the information on the paper, I went to the mall. I followed the signs to the women's shoe section at the Ridgedale Macy's, and I looked around for the shelf with the DCBG shoes (I had not yet learned that there was no such brand). They were nowhere to be found, so I looked around this partition to see if there were more shoes on the other side of it, and there was another area just as big as the first area. I thought this made a little more sense, as women's shoes are a very popular item. This seemed like a more appropriate size for a shoe section in a department store.
As my search continued, I discovered another four sections as big as the first two.
After my disorientation (yes, really) at the size of the shoe section, I was able to find and ask a salesperson about the shoes I was looking for. "Do you have DCBG high heeled booties with a quilt pattern?" I asked, feeling absolutely ridiculous for stringing those words together and praying she knew what the hell I was talking about. Because I had no idea.
"Um, do you mean BCBG?"
"Yeah, sure. I probably do."
She asked me what color and size I was looking for--questions I had neglected to ask my sister. "Bring me a size... seven! In brown and black. I'll decide after looking at them." I then quickly called my mom's cell, and she provided me with the facts: black, size eight. Close enough.
After a few minutes of being in the back the salesperson approached me and said "I'm sorry, we don't have any more." I asked her, "Brown and black? Size seven? Because I need a size eight." and she said, "No, none of any color or size. Sorry."
This was a very disappointing end to my saga at the Ridgedale Macy's. I will try the Southdale and Mall of America Macy's locations this weekend, but who knows. I may have to buy some boring DVDs instead.
You're a brave man. I don't have a brother, but every male I'm related too would probably pick me up a Costco-sized box of tampons before venuring into the women's shoe department.
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