False Hope

Today it's supposed to be 42 degrees in Minneapolis. It's January 16.

"Awesome!" you might think. Nope, not awesome. This sucks. This is so damn stupid. I hate the January Thaw.

See, in Minnesota, our winters are brutal and last from November to April. That's pretty close to half the year. When you put spring and fall in there, that doesn't leave much room for 85 and sunny. So when it gets close to springtime, when things start melting a bit, I get really excited. Winter is exhausting, and by the middle of January I'm ready for it to be over.

Enter the January Thaw.

Every year around this time, the temperature spikes by 30 degrees, things start melting, and my springtime reflexes activate. The woooooshhhhhhhh of cars driving through puddles, the sparkling of water droplets from snow melting, the thinning of snow in places. All of these are indicators of spring. But actually, spring is fifteen weeks away. Fifteen weeks! That's 105 days. That's nearly a third of a year.

So, give me 25 below, please. No more of this 40 and sunny. I need 25 below zero right now, so every bit of hope in me is securely frozen in place, not ready to move for... ugh... 105 days.