Manlinest City

There has been a study commissioned by COMBOS, "the hearty, pretzel and cracker snack made with real cheese," to determine the manliest city in America. (Incidentally, I most closely associate with my sister, as she would always eat these on road trips when we were kids.) Minneapolis is ranked 18th. They've gotten everything wrong.

Their basic parameters of manliness are as follows:

• Unhealth
• Banality of sports taste (NASCAR-related things were weighted more heavily)
  

Just because you are obese (you eat COMBOS, the hearty, pretzel and cracker snack made with real cheese), that does not make you a man.

Ostensibly, we are trying to measure the manliness of the men in these cities. Minneapolis may not be the number one manliest city, but let's measure based on some real manliness criteria:

• Number of beards, with extra points given for achieving the beard contest criteria.
  
• Total pounds of man-muscle
• Total pounds of beer belly
• Number of cars with flames on them
• Number of men shot in the chest by an anarchist who then go on to give their speech before being driven to the hospital
  

Manliness is not measured by NASCAR.