World Beard Championships

I think everyone ponders at one point or another what sort of awards they could win, simply for their natural proclivities. We're all naturally good at some things, and with a little effort maybe we could be recognized for these talents.

For me, today, my natural proclivity was my beard. I am growing it out for a wedding in November, per the groom's request (it is known as a Sympathy Beard). I have been letting it grow without trim since early September with great success. Emily has pointed out that it's on the verge of being pony tail material. It's thick and luxurious. I figured I should investigate whether or not there is any sort of beard competition. I might place!

No, I won't.

There is a beard competition. It's called the World Beard and Moustache Championships, and there are some manly beards battling for the title.

Look at this man. This is a man.


This is Jack Passion, the World Beard Champion ("first place in the full beard natural category, the most competitive category of all", according to World Beard Championships). Compared to this man, my beard is bush league. This man is a real man, and a real beardsman.

I will say that length should not be all that counts in a beard. I submit the following criteria for beard judging. Please submit your own.

1. Thickness
2. Fullness
3. Softness (softer = better)
4. Style (a manicured beard is no beard at all)
5. Shapeliness
   
6. Luxury
7. Manliness
8. How many bits of churro can you fit in there
   

Shut Up. I'm a Busy Man.

My college buddy Leif listed ten movies he hasn't seen but which he probably should have by now. (A note on Leif's list: the only movies on that list that I've seen are Citizen Kane and the Shawshank Redemption--and the Shawshank Redemption involved a lot of 10th grade making out, so that one only sort of counts.)

Now, because I judge others and feel (very rightly) that others judge me almost exclusively on taste in media, I shall share with you my list of movies I haven't seen that paint me as an uncultured cinema oaf.

1. The Indiana Jones movies
2. Mad Max
3. The Zombie genre
4. Some Like It Hot
5. Kill Bill (1 and 2)
6. Apocalypse Now
7. Annie Hall
8. The Terminator movies
9. The Pink Panther movies
10. Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Here's a tip

I'm very happy to share some advice with you:

Don't drink and blog. If you drink three glasses (not sips, glasses) of scotch and then get an idea for a blog, you'll end up writing 1000 words asking the internet for a date. You will not come off as cool.

That is all.

Tell Me: Is This Funny?

Ok, if you know me you know that somtimes I am the only person who thinks something is funny. It happens a lot, in fact. So I want a reality check.

I made this lol celeb on ROFLrazzi last summer with their lol builder and it never went up. I happen to think it's damn good:



Instead, they've put up things like this, this, this, this, this, and this. None of which is funnier (or even as funny) as the lol celeb I made.

I'm not fishing for compliments. I know I think this is funny. But am I out of touch? Or is this truly not funny?

Good News Everyone!

I was at the delicious barbecue restaurant Hickory Park in Ames, Iowa the day after Christmas to have lunch with some of my dad's side of the family. My mom and I got there early (yes my parents are divorced and I was having lunch with my dad's family with just my mom--don't ask) and we were wasting time waiting in the big lobby of this kitchy restaurant.

One of the numerous crazy-crap-on-the-walls-style items they had sitting around was an old scale that, if you paid it a penny, it would tell you your weight. It was obviously out of service, but it did give me one very happy surprise: according to the little sign on it, per Army standards at whatever time this scale was put out, a 5'10" man (my height) should weigh 165 pounds (my weight). This is fantastic news!

In case you didn't know, until I moved back to Minnesota in the spring of 2007, I never weighed more than 145 pounds. When I was at shool in Boston I walked everwhere, and this helped faclilitate my consistant slenderness, despite what was obviously a vast reduction in my metabolic rate.

This resulted in me putting on 20 pounds and having a slight jiggle belly for the first time in my 22 (at the time) years. I felt fat. So it is quite reassuring to know that in fact I am not fat. I am simply normal.

Although, I'm sure the Army expects those 20 pounds are muscle. let's just not bring that up, how about.