The Case for #twincy, or: You Are All Wrong

There is a debate occurring, right now, on the popular social networking website Twitter Dot Com. The debate is over which hashtag is best for denoting tweets about the Twin Cities Metropolitan Area. After some discussion, it has come down to two contenders:

#twincy (represent!)

and

#msp (BOOOO!)

One of these is the correct hashtag, and one of these is an obvious lie. I submit to you that #msp is, in fact, the total travesty and abomination. There are many reasons for this:

Equity. The #msp hashtag is not equitable. It heavily favors St. Paul by allotting it two of three characters. However, #twincy places both cities on the same level, which is a positive step forward for regional equity and understanding.

Specificity. MSP is the three-letter designation for Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport. If you use #msp as the hashtag for all Twin Cities-related tweets, how then will you differentiate tweets about the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport? This question remains unanswered. With #twincy there is no such problem.

Uniqueness. #msp could stand for just about anything. #my-sexy-pants, #many-sage-pimps, #minneapolis-saint-potato. Anything.

Further proof.

It Would Sound Horrible

Like many people, I love music. Specifically, the following instruments are my favorite of all time:

Xylophone

Banjo

Bass guitar

Mandolin

Electric organ

Cello

Love them though I do, these instruments should never be all in the same band. I mean, banjo/mandolin go well together (bluegrass), mandolin/cello wouldn't be so bad if you did it right, bass/xylophone/electric organ are all jazz staples.

This full grouping, however, would be known as a suckstet.

I guess that's all I have to say on the matter. What are your favorite instruments, and how poorly would they sound in this band?

QUICK!

Oh no! The president has been kidnapped by ALIENS! They are holding him hostage and they will only let him go when you tell them which is the best place to get pizza in Minneapolis: Pizza Lucé or Punch Pizza!

And you have to answer! THE PRESIDENT'S LIFE IS AT STAKE!

I Love Adulthood

Let me just say: I love being a grown up. But, more specifically, I love being a grown up of age 24 with the metabolism that comes with this. Allow me to explain.

This morning I was in the co-op below the office where I work looking at food for breakfast. Normally I either get a yogurt parfait, six deviled eggs (which are expensive but DELICIOUS), or 4-5 stringles.

But not today. I felt like a change. I had a sweet tooth. And in the refrigerator case, between the deviled eggs and the stringles, were all the desserts. More specifically, right there, almost taunting me, was a whole stack of CHOCOLATE CRUMBLE CHEESECAKE. "See you at lunch, sucker. You can't eat me now; it's breakfast time," it seemed to be saying to me.

I stood and stared at the refrigerator case for three full minutes, conflicted. And then, under my breath I retorted, "Shows what you know."

Welcome to the Blog Spot

Thank you for being bothered to come over to this website. You'll notice that most comments have made it over with their posts, but some have not. If there's a comment you were super excited about and you really want to go back and read it, everything is still up over at the Wordpress iteration of this blog.

As I do this, I am listening to songs that contain the word "Moon" somewhere in their ID3 tag. It's a pretty good playlist. Included: Tom Petty (the album Full Moon Fever), Ella Fitzgerald (How High the Moon), Miles Davis (Moon Dreams), and Credence (Bad Moon Rising).

Because You Asked

I have a plant in my cube at work. I have come to really love this plant. But there has been a bit of a problem: the plant had no name. So, a quest for a name began--with the idea that the piece I took from this plant and put in some water at home to turn into a second plant (hooray thrift!) would be [Plantname, Jr.]. Two people suggested I name the plant after myself: one person suggested "Art, Jr. and Art III," while the other was making a mean joke and suggested "Stupid." I also momentarily considered Ralph and Jefferson. None of these seemed right.

But I think I have it now.

The plant at my desk will be known as The 1987 Minnesota Twins.

Which, then, makes the plant at home The 1991 Minnesota Twins.

I'm not sure what kind of plant it is, so don't ask. I will say it looks like this:



(Note: Yes that is my work's only copy of the Chicago Manual of Style, and YES it lives at MY DESK BECAUSE I AM THE GREATEST.)

Internet Sampler

I have had the good fortune to come across some hilarious internets recently. Here are some of the very best ones, in linkdump form:

First up, this had me in tears. For real. Salty water was streaming down my face:



(via)

Next, from marriedtothesea.com:

This as well, from XKCD:

And finally, via some chickface:

Pie, Bar

Damn you, Microsoft Excel. Your buttons are labeled with things that I love. However, they do not provide me with what they promise:

I have clicked on both of these buttons. Yet, I do not have a delicious slice of pie nor am I getting drunk around a bunch of strangers. WHAT THE HELL.

A Classic, Ruined

Brad Neely's videos are no longer available for uncensored viewing on the internet.

Let me say that again: Brad Neely's videos are no longer available for uncensored viewing on the internet.

Censored. On the internet.

That means such classic Brad Neely lines as "No one can fuck my strange guests," and "10s and 20s, what's so funny, fuckin' 20 10" are rendered pointless and boring. And then there are made up words that have roots in swears that are fucking poetry (or, if not poetry, then otherwise genius) that get bleeped. For example, from Babycakes Diary #3: "Sometimes, if I'm fast enough, I catch a glimpse of the Brain Fuckler, just fucklin' the shit out of everyone."

Luckily, I was able to download (legally, for free) the audio to the best song of them all before all of this happened. You may care to take a listen to Be Aggressive by Brad Neely. (For now you may also be interested in watching an unauthorized distribution from you tube dot com. But shh! Keep it under your hat! )

The facebook dot com sez:

All the Brad Neely videos adopted from Super Deluxe are edited--not just bleeped, but images are cut out, too. I thought the title "adult" swim suggested that we could handle this stuff, as well as the huge TV-MA plastered on each video. Really lame.

I can't verify the claim that images have been cut out. I've watched The Role Play Tournament and Bible History, which have, respectively, the most violent and vulgar images of the Neely Collection. I'm not saying this didn't happen, just that I can't verify it. I will say that it would not surprise me in the least.

But, as with all things in the universe except household cleanliness, this is not happening in a vacuum. Brad Neely’s blog says this:

Neely can do nothing about it. SuperDeluxe is gone. We are lucky to have our pieces posted on Adult Swim.

The post after that (which is the most recent post, dated December 21, 2008), says these videos will be returning to the internet in their uncensored form “very soon.” I eagerly await that day.

Which brings me to my point: I am not saying this signals some great defeat of Western ideals. This is a mild affront to Internet Common Sense, but this is also very likely just some oblivious online programing executive who was given authority over a medium his 80-year-old ass is totally clueless about (TED STEVENS). I am merely lamenting the (momentary) stifling of a very specific artist whose work I genuinely admire. Alas.

Post script: I will admit this is not exactly breaking news. SuperDeluxe.com was taken over by Adult Swim on December 17, 2008 (via). Forgive me if I’m still not indifferent. But seriously. Censorship. On the internet. I just had to register my frustration indignation slack-jawed bewilderment.

Borg!

In the Star Trek universe, as my friend Adam pointed out (12 years after the fact), the Borg identify themselves in two different ways.

Hugh, before he becomes an Individual, identifies himself as Third of Five. Then, some years later, Voyager adopts Seven of Nine.

We assume Microsoft must have done a software upgrade for the Borg in the intervening time, which would explain the arbitrary, meaningless change.

I Can Fix It!

All I'm saying is, if something needs stimulating by a huge package, I can do it for free.

Hypothetical Fight of the Day: Snake Versus Spider

Inquiring minds want to know! Who would win in an ALL OUT BATTLE BETWEEN...

SNAKE

and

SPIDER