If you read my blog from the actual site http://heylookitsart.wordpress.com, you have noticed I have a new banner. It is no longer the standard blue this-and-that that comes with a free Word Press account. I cropped the image all by myself and even added text! I have done this all for free.
To crop the image, I used a combination of the Mac programs Preview and iPhoto. I then discovered that Word Press has a cropping tool built into its back end and realized I wasted an hour trying to figure out how to crop to a specific size using those free tools.
I got the text on there by using my favorite find of the day: Picnik. I'm probably pretty late to the party on this one, but this is a free, web-based basic photo editor that lets you actually add text and stuff to your photos, as well as resize, crop, mess with colors, etc. It's pretty easy to use.
Also, you'll notice new punctuation on my blog name. It's no longer a statement of excitement. Now it's supposed to read like an embarassed explination.
The image I used is from when I ate 12 chicken strips at Applebee's one day. That's what I looked like right at the end. Unable to hold my head up. I'm only moderately satsified with this image, so I'll probably find a better one and throw that up there some time. But for now: Full of Chicken Strips.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Good News Everyone!
I was at the delicious barbecue restaurant Hickory Park in Ames, Iowa the day after Christmas to have lunch with some of my dad's side of the family. My mom and I got there early (yes my parents are divorced and I was having lunch with my dad's family with just my mom--don't ask) and we were wasting time waiting in the big lobby of this kitchy restaurant.
One of the numerous crazy-crap-on-the-walls-style items they had sitting around was an old scale that, if you paid it a penny, it would tell you your weight. It was obviously out of service, but it did give me one very happy surprise: according to the little sign on it, per Army standards at whatever time this scale was put out, a 5'10" man (my height) should weigh 165 pounds (my weight). This is fantastic news!
In case you didn't know, until I moved back to Minnesota in the spring of 2007, I never weighed more than 145 pounds. When I was at shool in Boston I walked everwhere, and this helped faclilitate my consistant slenderness, despite what was obviously a vast reduction in my metabolic rate.
This resulted in me putting on 20 pounds and having a slight jiggle belly for the first time in my 22 (at the time) years. I felt fat. So it is quite reassuring to know that in fact I am not fat. I am simply normal.
Although, I'm sure the Army expects those 20 pounds are muscle. let's just not bring that up, how about.
One of the numerous crazy-crap-on-the-walls-style items they had sitting around was an old scale that, if you paid it a penny, it would tell you your weight. It was obviously out of service, but it did give me one very happy surprise: according to the little sign on it, per Army standards at whatever time this scale was put out, a 5'10" man (my height) should weigh 165 pounds (my weight). This is fantastic news!
In case you didn't know, until I moved back to Minnesota in the spring of 2007, I never weighed more than 145 pounds. When I was at shool in Boston I walked everwhere, and this helped faclilitate my consistant slenderness, despite what was obviously a vast reduction in my metabolic rate.
This resulted in me putting on 20 pounds and having a slight jiggle belly for the first time in my 22 (at the time) years. I felt fat. So it is quite reassuring to know that in fact I am not fat. I am simply normal.
Although, I'm sure the Army expects those 20 pounds are muscle. let's just not bring that up, how about.
Look What I Can Do
People in my family have had a talent I have always thought was pretty routine: we can hang spoons from our noses. A spoon was brought to a bar I was drinking at about a week ago, so I put it on my nose. Some of my friends were able to do this too (I was actually not even the first one to dangle the spoon from my nose that evening). Other of my friends thought it was weird. It's not weird:
And just in case you think this is some sort of optical illusion, check it:
There is no chin-resting. That is all spoon-on-nose friction holding that sucker on. And just in case you think this is something that requires me to sit perfectly still, no, it is not that either. I can walk around, turn my head from side to side, and even sing God Bless America at the Uptown VFW:
I look forward to hanging a spoon from my nose in many new and exciting locales. I will even teach you how to do this yourself... if you have the nose for it!
And just in case you think this is some sort of optical illusion, check it:
There is no chin-resting. That is all spoon-on-nose friction holding that sucker on. And just in case you think this is something that requires me to sit perfectly still, no, it is not that either. I can walk around, turn my head from side to side, and even sing God Bless America at the Uptown VFW:
I look forward to hanging a spoon from my nose in many new and exciting locales. I will even teach you how to do this yourself... if you have the nose for it!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
My sister: Kyah [our mom's dog] poops whenever she's mad! She's such a... *pause* ... well, I don't want to say, because feelings will be hurt.
My mom: You don't want to say "bitch"? Because she is. She's a total bitch sometimes.
My sister: No! I don't want to say... (whisper) "bad dog." Kyah might feel bad right now, and I don't want her to.
Me: You could just say she's a canis horribilis.
My mom: You don't want to say "bitch"? Because she is. She's a total bitch sometimes.
My sister: No! I don't want to say... (whisper) "bad dog." Kyah might feel bad right now, and I don't want her to.
Me: You could just say she's a canis horribilis.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Guess Who's Coming to Twitter
Last night I got an unexpected email in my inbox:
This is really neat! What the Tiwtter feed gives you is little updates on what the actors are doing. For example:
This might seem kind of pointless and stupid, but I actually really like it. I actually wish some other shows would do this. Like, if Star Trek TNG or M*A*S*H had feeds like this I'd follow them.
Oh, and then there's the question of how the Cosby Show knew to follow me on Twitter. A quick search.twitter.com excursion finds one two three tweets that contain the word "Cosby."
Also, if you've spoken to me in the past month and a half you know that it's all I can do to wait until Christmas Day to get some Christmas Monies so I can go to Best Buy and buy each of the eight seasons of the Cosby Show for $20 each. Heckuva deal! But getting this email connected for me (for some reason) that I could buy this show on Amazon, and it'd probably be even cheaper. And it is! The Cosby Show: 25th Anniversary Commemorative Edition (1984) $89.99
I cannot wait.
Hi, artallen.
thecosbyshow (thecosbyshow) is now following your updates on Twitter.
Check out thecosbyshow's profile here:
http://twitter.com/thecosbyshow
This is really neat! What the Tiwtter feed gives you is little updates on what the actors are doing. For example:
thecosbyshow Phylicia Rashad (Clair) Nominated for Best Actress SAG Award for playing Lena Younger in "A Raisin in the Sun" - http://tinyurl.com/9tclts
This might seem kind of pointless and stupid, but I actually really like it. I actually wish some other shows would do this. Like, if Star Trek TNG or M*A*S*H had feeds like this I'd follow them.
Oh, and then there's the question of how the Cosby Show knew to follow me on Twitter. A quick search.twitter.com excursion finds one two three tweets that contain the word "Cosby."
Also, if you've spoken to me in the past month and a half you know that it's all I can do to wait until Christmas Day to get some Christmas Monies so I can go to Best Buy and buy each of the eight seasons of the Cosby Show for $20 each. Heckuva deal! But getting this email connected for me (for some reason) that I could buy this show on Amazon, and it'd probably be even cheaper. And it is! The Cosby Show: 25th Anniversary Commemorative Edition (1984) $89.99
I cannot wait.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
On Women's Shoes
Today I tried to buy a Christmas present for my sister. It did not work.
I called her last week and asked her what she wanted. "I told you!" she replied, reminding me of an email she had sent me saying she wanted seasons 1-3 of the popular 1990s television program Friends. "No," I said, "That is a boring gift. What else do you want?" She said she wanted a specific pair of shoes from Macy's and that she would email me the exact details.
She did not email me these details, so this morning I called her and asked her for the details so I could write them down. This is what I heard:
First of all, yes, I did put the stars in for the name "MACY'S." I wasn't sure if they used an apostrophe or not, so I put in a star and an apostrophe, and stars around the apostrophe just to be safe. Corporate identity is important, you guys. (After looking it up just now, it seems I've erred hilariously: there is only one star, and it takes the place of the apostrophe. Heh.)
Secondly, evidently if you're a woman you've probably already noticed something wrong: there is no such brand as "DCBG." The correct brand is BCBG, which I had never heard of before. In my dyslexia, I thought DCBG was some sort of Dolce and Gabbana (which I had misspelled just now and had to look up in Google) abbreviated-chic sub-brand. It is not.
And let me just say, I've spent years honing a very fine understanding of booties. I have many opinions and much knowledge on the subject of booties. Sadly, none of this came in handy this afternoon.
Nonetheless, armed with the information on the paper, I went to the mall. I followed the signs to the women's shoe section at the Ridgedale Macy's, and I looked around for the shelf with the DCBG shoes (I had not yet learned that there was no such brand). They were nowhere to be found, so I looked around this partition to see if there were more shoes on the other side of it, and there was another area just as big as the first area. I thought this made a little more sense, as women's shoes are a very popular item. This seemed like a more appropriate size for a shoe section in a department store.
As my search continued, I discovered another four sections as big as the first two.
After my disorientation (yes, really) at the size of the shoe section, I was able to find and ask a salesperson about the shoes I was looking for. "Do you have DCBG high heeled booties with a quilt pattern?" I asked, feeling absolutely ridiculous for stringing those words together and praying she knew what the hell I was talking about. Because I had no idea.
"Um, do you mean BCBG?"
"Yeah, sure. I probably do."
She asked me what color and size I was looking for--questions I had neglected to ask my sister. "Bring me a size... seven! In brown and black. I'll decide after looking at them." I then quickly called my mom's cell, and she provided me with the facts: black, size eight. Close enough.
After a few minutes of being in the back the salesperson approached me and said "I'm sorry, we don't have any more." I asked her, "Brown and black? Size seven? Because I need a size eight." and she said, "No, none of any color or size. Sorry."
This was a very disappointing end to my saga at the Ridgedale Macy's. I will try the Southdale and Mall of America Macy's locations this weekend, but who knows. I may have to buy some boring DVDs instead.
I called her last week and asked her what she wanted. "I told you!" she replied, reminding me of an email she had sent me saying she wanted seasons 1-3 of the popular 1990s television program Friends. "No," I said, "That is a boring gift. What else do you want?" She said she wanted a specific pair of shoes from Macy's and that she would email me the exact details.
She did not email me these details, so this morning I called her and asked her for the details so I could write them down. This is what I heard:
First of all, yes, I did put the stars in for the name "MACY'S." I wasn't sure if they used an apostrophe or not, so I put in a star and an apostrophe, and stars around the apostrophe just to be safe. Corporate identity is important, you guys. (After looking it up just now, it seems I've erred hilariously: there is only one star, and it takes the place of the apostrophe. Heh.)
Secondly, evidently if you're a woman you've probably already noticed something wrong: there is no such brand as "DCBG." The correct brand is BCBG, which I had never heard of before. In my dyslexia, I thought DCBG was some sort of Dolce and Gabbana (which I had misspelled just now and had to look up in Google) abbreviated-chic sub-brand. It is not.
And let me just say, I've spent years honing a very fine understanding of booties. I have many opinions and much knowledge on the subject of booties. Sadly, none of this came in handy this afternoon.
Nonetheless, armed with the information on the paper, I went to the mall. I followed the signs to the women's shoe section at the Ridgedale Macy's, and I looked around for the shelf with the DCBG shoes (I had not yet learned that there was no such brand). They were nowhere to be found, so I looked around this partition to see if there were more shoes on the other side of it, and there was another area just as big as the first area. I thought this made a little more sense, as women's shoes are a very popular item. This seemed like a more appropriate size for a shoe section in a department store.
As my search continued, I discovered another four sections as big as the first two.
After my disorientation (yes, really) at the size of the shoe section, I was able to find and ask a salesperson about the shoes I was looking for. "Do you have DCBG high heeled booties with a quilt pattern?" I asked, feeling absolutely ridiculous for stringing those words together and praying she knew what the hell I was talking about. Because I had no idea.
"Um, do you mean BCBG?"
"Yeah, sure. I probably do."
She asked me what color and size I was looking for--questions I had neglected to ask my sister. "Bring me a size... seven! In brown and black. I'll decide after looking at them." I then quickly called my mom's cell, and she provided me with the facts: black, size eight. Close enough.
After a few minutes of being in the back the salesperson approached me and said "I'm sorry, we don't have any more." I asked her, "Brown and black? Size seven? Because I need a size eight." and she said, "No, none of any color or size. Sorry."
This was a very disappointing end to my saga at the Ridgedale Macy's. I will try the Southdale and Mall of America Macy's locations this weekend, but who knows. I may have to buy some boring DVDs instead.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Only Way to Eat Pickled Herring or Delicious Cheese
I will be driving in this weather to procure some of these most delicious crackers so I can eat pickled herring and some delicious cranberry chipolte cheddar. That is how necessary they are.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Hypothetical Battle of the Week: LeVar vs. LeVar
I figure every good blog has something they do on a regular basis. So, in an effort to be a good blog, I present to you this week's Hypothetical Battle:
Star Trek LeVar Burton
VERSUS
Reading Rainbow LeVar Burton
Here are the rules:
In the comments section, explain who wins in a fight and why. That means show your work! You should also define what makes "victory." For example, is victory the person who can get the others to read the most books? Or is it a more traditional idea of who kills the other first? You decide! And say how it happens.
(PS: Yes, I did do this same hypothetical fight in my now-defunct LiveJournal about three years ago.)
(And also my friend Sam came up with the idea)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Just recently I became a fan of Dungeons and Dragons on the social networking website Face Book Dot Com. News of this on my "wall" prompted my friend JERKASS ENEMY to proclaim "NEEEEERRRRDDD."
Well, yes, that's fine. Except that during my last (and longest) d20 campaign, he was the DM
I am, by the contemporary definition, a TOTAL FUCKING NERD. Wikipedia defines “nerd” as:
This is pretty accurate. I have a degree in political science (intellectual activities), I have often boasted about my knowledge of Simpson’s trivia (esoteric knowledge), and I have a vast mp3 collection of TV theme songs and commercial jingles (other obscure interests). But I am unsatisfied with this. Just because I like politics, a very popular television show, and I went on two downloading sprees in 10th grade, does that make me a nerd?
I fit into a few other nerd categories: Star Trek fan (two conventions plus autographs; I also own—very proudly—all of TNG on DVD), Star Wars fan (made a point to watch the second Robot Chicken Star Wars special, and that’s about it), Fire Fly fan, (new) Battlestar Galactica fan, Dr. Horrible fan, D&D veteran and aspirant (I’ve even played WoW a few months at a time), I like to read and I went to the Perpich Center for Arts Education to study writing in high school—which I think makes me a lit nerd, I'm making an effort to start reading more comic books and graphic novels, I work for a nonprofit which makes me a policy nerd, I read a lot of news which makes me a news junkie (a form of nerd), I blog and use Twitter which makes me a very low-degree tech nerd, plus I love I love the Discovery and History channels. I love Weird Al and They Might Be Giants. Not to mention my undying devotion to and analysis of comedy. I am a HUGE comedy nerd. (Two words: Mel Brooks.)
Hell, I quote Wikipedia in blog posts.
So, by all accounts I’m a nerd, right? A total fucking filthy nerd. Oh right, add to the list that I don’t really work out, so I’m not super physical (at the moment).
But here’s the problem: I’m a total dude. I'm really witty and pretty charming. I love baseball. I socialize with friends really often. I socialize with really fucking cool friends who are really smart and are in bands and are poets and are very attractive and are also very witty and charming. I am very much not a loner. I used to be a loner—a little bit—but I haven’t even felt as socially awkward as I have most of my life recently. I go to parties and I talk to people I don’t know! I get (very attractive) girls' phone numbers sometimes!
So, either I break the mold or there’s a problem with the definition. I say there’s a problem with the definition.
The Wikipedia definition, I think, tries to pile too much onto the label of “nerd.” I think I can agree with everything having to do with the love of the intellectual pursuit and reveling in obscure knowledge. Hell, what nerd doesn’t love playing trivia games? The problem, I think, is with the “loner” aspect. Just because you’re a nerd doesn’t mean you’re not a total badass who people love hanging out with. You could even be a great lover! You could be really good at having sex and also be a total goddamn nerd. It’s true. I’ve seen it happen. The problem with the Wikipedia definition is that it lumps these totally badass nerds (me, my friends) in with the goddamn loser-nerds (unfit to be called nerds, I’d say).
So, here’s the solution: people like me—people who are really excited for the new Star Trek movie because it looks totally badass, not just because it’s Star Trek (although that really helps. I did go through the latest trailer frame by frame with a friend of mine to see if we could figure anything out about the plot—and we did!)—let’s start calling them nerds straight up, and let’s call these goddamn loner-nerds something else. I don’t know. How about, um, “losers” or “loners” or one of the many other words that already exists to describe people who do not interact well with society at large, despite their "obscure interests."
Well, yes, that's fine. Except that during my last (and longest) d20 campaign, he was the DM
I am, by the contemporary definition, a TOTAL FUCKING NERD. Wikipedia defines “nerd” as:
… a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age inappropriate rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people.
This is pretty accurate. I have a degree in political science (intellectual activities), I have often boasted about my knowledge of Simpson’s trivia (esoteric knowledge), and I have a vast mp3 collection of TV theme songs and commercial jingles (other obscure interests). But I am unsatisfied with this. Just because I like politics, a very popular television show, and I went on two downloading sprees in 10th grade, does that make me a nerd?
I fit into a few other nerd categories: Star Trek fan (two conventions plus autographs; I also own—very proudly—all of TNG on DVD), Star Wars fan (made a point to watch the second Robot Chicken Star Wars special, and that’s about it), Fire Fly fan, (new) Battlestar Galactica fan, Dr. Horrible fan, D&D veteran and aspirant (I’ve even played WoW a few months at a time), I like to read and I went to the Perpich Center for Arts Education to study writing in high school—which I think makes me a lit nerd, I'm making an effort to start reading more comic books and graphic novels, I work for a nonprofit which makes me a policy nerd, I read a lot of news which makes me a news junkie (a form of nerd), I blog and use Twitter which makes me a very low-degree tech nerd, plus I love I love the Discovery and History channels. I love Weird Al and They Might Be Giants. Not to mention my undying devotion to and analysis of comedy. I am a HUGE comedy nerd. (Two words: Mel Brooks.)
Hell, I quote Wikipedia in blog posts.
So, by all accounts I’m a nerd, right? A total fucking filthy nerd. Oh right, add to the list that I don’t really work out, so I’m not super physical (at the moment).
But here’s the problem: I’m a total dude. I'm really witty and pretty charming. I love baseball. I socialize with friends really often. I socialize with really fucking cool friends who are really smart and are in bands and are poets and are very attractive and are also very witty and charming. I am very much not a loner. I used to be a loner—a little bit—but I haven’t even felt as socially awkward as I have most of my life recently. I go to parties and I talk to people I don’t know! I get (very attractive) girls' phone numbers sometimes!
So, either I break the mold or there’s a problem with the definition. I say there’s a problem with the definition.
The Wikipedia definition, I think, tries to pile too much onto the label of “nerd.” I think I can agree with everything having to do with the love of the intellectual pursuit and reveling in obscure knowledge. Hell, what nerd doesn’t love playing trivia games? The problem, I think, is with the “loner” aspect. Just because you’re a nerd doesn’t mean you’re not a total badass who people love hanging out with. You could even be a great lover! You could be really good at having sex and also be a total goddamn nerd. It’s true. I’ve seen it happen. The problem with the Wikipedia definition is that it lumps these totally badass nerds (me, my friends) in with the goddamn loser-nerds (unfit to be called nerds, I’d say).
So, here’s the solution: people like me—people who are really excited for the new Star Trek movie because it looks totally badass, not just because it’s Star Trek (although that really helps. I did go through the latest trailer frame by frame with a friend of mine to see if we could figure anything out about the plot—and we did!)—let’s start calling them nerds straight up, and let’s call these goddamn loner-nerds something else. I don’t know. How about, um, “losers” or “loners” or one of the many other words that already exists to describe people who do not interact well with society at large, despite their "obscure interests."
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
HELL YES
OK ladies, stop holding out on me. Guess what the USA Today said about you:
Haha! Hell yes you did! noodz plz!
About a third of young adults 20-26 and 20% of teens say they've sent or posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves
Haha! Hell yes you did! noodz plz!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Everyone is really upset about this Blog-o-gov thing. (That's his name right? It starts with "Blog"?) I'm not upset. I'm actually really happy he did this.
"This," of course, being try to sell a senate seat. This is astounding! I could not read a better novel if I paid $100 for it. I am so absolutely rivited by the sheer dumbness of this man!
What I love most is the total lack of effort or creativity. This is not exchanging power in government for untracable (unless you say it on your own telephone while you know you're being probed for other misdeeds) political favors, such as getting people fired for writing not-on-message articles about you in the hometown paper. No. This is "Will you give me half a million dollars?" Not half a million dollars in home repair, or a half a million dollar trip and stay in some exotic location, or even some bizarre painting. No. This is just straight cash. Ha!
So, yes, fume and decry all you want. Nothing actually happened. An idiot was caught being an idiot. And I choose to laugh at that.
Plus, I love any governor who can't form a sentance without an explative.
"This," of course, being try to sell a senate seat. This is astounding! I could not read a better novel if I paid $100 for it. I am so absolutely rivited by the sheer dumbness of this man!
What I love most is the total lack of effort or creativity. This is not exchanging power in government for untracable (unless you say it on your own telephone while you know you're being probed for other misdeeds) political favors, such as getting people fired for writing not-on-message articles about you in the hometown paper. No. This is "Will you give me half a million dollars?" Not half a million dollars in home repair, or a half a million dollar trip and stay in some exotic location, or even some bizarre painting. No. This is just straight cash. Ha!
So, yes, fume and decry all you want. Nothing actually happened. An idiot was caught being an idiot. And I choose to laugh at that.
Plus, I love any governor who can't form a sentance without an explative.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Cats on a Slide
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
"Creative Casual"
So I am starting on some project work for a local marketing agency tomorrow. I asked the woman who is bringing me on what the dress code was (so I didn't dress conspicuously up or down), and she said, "Jeans are fine. It's called "creative casual."
Well, I googled "creative casual" and the first (and only clothing-related) thing I found is how I intend to dress for work tomorrow:
Well, I googled "creative casual" and the first (and only clothing-related) thing I found is how I intend to dress for work tomorrow:
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Once Again
I had a blog. It was a WordPress blog, much like this one, but it was more cleverly named: Punnedit.net.
That's right, I had my own domain. My friend Sam and I went in on it together. And by that I mean we wrote the blog together but he actually paid for the domain. After a while I bought it off him for a pack of Newcastle.
Recently I went back and found out Punnedit was gone. Gone! Not just the domain, but the entire website, all my posts, everything. I hadn't written on it as much as maybe I should have, so not much was lost. But still, all of not much is still everything.
So, I trust WordPress not to delete all my words. I can't get Punnedit on here because someone else has it (and hasn't written on it for two and a half years), so I have this name. No one remembers actual URLs any more, it's all links and tinyurl.com minilinks, so I put down the first thing I could think of. The end.
That's right, I had my own domain. My friend Sam and I went in on it together. And by that I mean we wrote the blog together but he actually paid for the domain. After a while I bought it off him for a pack of Newcastle.
Recently I went back and found out Punnedit was gone. Gone! Not just the domain, but the entire website, all my posts, everything. I hadn't written on it as much as maybe I should have, so not much was lost. But still, all of not much is still everything.
So, I trust WordPress not to delete all my words. I can't get Punnedit on here because someone else has it (and hasn't written on it for two and a half years), so I have this name. No one remembers actual URLs any more, it's all links and tinyurl.com minilinks, so I put down the first thing I could think of. The end.
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